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Radio Control Models - Jokes Section With Adult Theme.
A Young Man Goes to the Pharmacy.
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well", he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's The night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack". The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents.
He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person". He leans over to her and says,
"You never told me that your father is a pharmacist".

John's Buddy Pays a Visit
A man goes over to his buddy's house and knocks on the door, it opens and there stands his friends wife.
"Is John home?" he asks.

She replies "No I'm sorry he's gone out to run a few errands."

"Would you mind if I came in and waited for a few minutes?"

She opens the door and he follows her down the hall and into the kitchen. "I can't help to notice how beautiful your breasts look in that robe. I will pay you $100 if I could just see one of them."

The woman thinks it over for a moment and figures why not, it is $100. She opens her robe exposing one of her breasts as the man reaches for his wallet, pulls out a $100 bill and throws it on the table. Shortly there after while drinking his coffee he asks "Your breast was so beautiful, I've got to see them both at the same time, I will pay you another $100 if you will show me them both."

She once again thinks for a moment and decides, what the hell and opens her robe giving him a good long look. He then opens his wallet, grabs another $100 throws it on the table and says, "I can't wait any longer, I must get going. Please tell John I came by."

About ten minutes pass and John comes home. His wife meets him in the hall and says "Your friend came by, you just missed him, he left ten minutes ago."

John replies, "Did he drop off the $200 bucks he owes me?"

Some Women Decide to Play Golf
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the two some teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said,
"Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, "How does that feel?"

To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

Little Old Lady Making Bets
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money.
She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money. They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lad says, "I make bets". The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are
square". "Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet". The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady says "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?" "Sure" says the president. That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side,
again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet. The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this. The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them. "Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a ,lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure". Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady , "What is wrong with
your lawyer?" She replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM
today I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hands!"

The Righty/Lefty Golfer
This foursome has teed off every Saturday morning for the past three years. One of the guys was a most remarkable player. He would play left-handed for a couple of weeks, and the next week he would play right-handed with equal skill. His one annoying fault was that every couple of months or so he would be twenty minutes late to tee off. One morning, after this guy had landed his second shot just two feet from the pin, one of the others said. "I can't stand it any longer! Jess, what's with switching sides, right to left? Why do you do that?" "Well, I tell ya. Every Saturday morning when I wake up, I turn over and look at my wife in the bed next to me. If she's sleeping on her right side, then I tee off right- handed. If she's on her left side, then I play left-handed." "Aha! But what if she's on her back?" "That's when I'm twenty minutes late!"

Three Worst Chinese Tortures
Once there was a guy wandering through the desert. he was starved and very thirsty so he was very excited when he saw this huge house out of nowhere. He walked up and rang the doorbell. After a couple of rings an old Chinese guy answered. The starved man begged him for a meal and some shelter. The Old man said that he could stay as long as he needed to, but there was one exception the old man said "you can not touch my daughter. If you do you will experience the 3 worst Chinese tortures". The man, being very hungry and tired, quickly agreed. " how good looking can she be if she lives out in the middle of nowhere" he thought. That night at dinner he saw the old man's daughter for the first time. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. He tried not to stare at her but he couldn't help it. After dinner she handed him a note that said " meet me in my room at midnight". That night after the old man had gone to sleep he went into the beautiful daughter's room. She gave him the best sex of his life. The next mourning he woke up in bed with a huge rock next to him. On the rock it said " 1st worst Chinese torture". He didn't know how it got there but he wanted to get ride of it. He picked it up, walked over to the window and threw it out. just then he saw a note on the window sill. It read " 2nd worst Chinese torture: left testicle tied to rock". Knowing this he jumped out after the rock. While falling he got close enough to the rock to see another sign on it. The sign read " 3rd worst Chinese torture: right testicle tied to bed post"
.

What Do I Look Like?
A woman was trying to do her laundry one day, when her washing machine suddenly broke down.
Distraught, she called her husband at the office and said, "Honey,
can you please come home and fix the washing machine? It doesn't work."
The angry husband replied, "What do I look like? The freakin' Maytag man?" and hung up.
The woman decided to go to the Laundromat to complete her washing.
She got in the car, but when she turned the key in the ignition, it wouldn't start.
She again called her husband at work and said, "Honey, I tried to go to the Laundromat with the car, but it wouldn't start. Can you come home and take a look at it?" Again, the angry husband snaps, "What do I look like? Freakin' Mr. Goodwrench?" and hung up. She decided that the best thing to do is call the Maytag man. The Maytag man arrived and fixed the washing machine. She then asked him if he knows anything about fixing cars. He replied that he knows a little and goes outside and takes a look under the hood. Ten minutes later, he returned and said, "Your car is running fine now. The only thing wrong was your fuel filter was a little dirty." The lady said, "Wow, you're a pretty handy guy! How much will this all cost?" The Maytag man says, "I'll tell ya what, lady. You can bake me a cake or have sex with me - your choice." Later that evening, the husband returned home from work. The lady explained to her husband that the Maytag man fixed the washing machine and the car. The husband asked how much all of this will cost. She replied that he wanted me to bake a cake for him or have
sex. The husband then said "Well, what kind of cake did you bake for him?"
The lady said, "What do I look like? Freakin' Betty Crocker?"

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old 
drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until  the wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the  husband. "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My Goodness", says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Tony Blair was visiting a school and was asked by a teacher if he would like to lead the discussion on what constituted a "tragedy".

So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered, "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Blair, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside,
that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained the P.M. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Blair searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If an aircraft carrying you, Mr. Blair, was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens would  that be a tragedy?"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Blair. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the little boy, "it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident."

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for £20 for their first love making encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly £1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over £2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank!

She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over £3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"

That's when she shot him.

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat red meat and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"

" No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you care ?"

According to a news report, a certain school in Milton Keynes was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom mirror. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the School Head decided that something had to be done.

He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a  long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

The Moral Of This Story..

There are teachers, and then there are Educators . . . . . . .

Little Zachary was doing very badly in maths.


His parents had tried everything... Tutors, Mentors, flash cards, Special learning centres.
In short, everything they could think of to help him.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother, but instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.

 

Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work.

 

His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner, and to her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.

 

This went on for some time, day after day, while his mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

 

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Zachary got an "A" in maths!

 

She could no longer hold her curiosity.

 

She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"

 

Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head.

 

"Well, then," she replied, “Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? "What was it"?
*
*
*

Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around".

A Man and His Wife Get Robbed.
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.

As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years -- let alone one as beautiful as you. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend that you like it... Remember both of our lives depends on it."

"Darling," whispered the wife, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice looking butt."

A Young Man
A young man was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often should you have it. His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time... and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year... maybe on your anniversary.

The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you and Grandma now?"

His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now." "What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked. "Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. And she yells, 'F*** You,' and I holler back, 'F*** You too.'"

Mind Reading
The weather was very hot, so this man wanted desperately take a dip in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but since he was all alone, he didn't care. He undressed and got into the water.

After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction.
He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket, which laid on the sandy beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief.

The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move.
Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds."

"Impossible," said the embarrassed man, "You really know what I think?"

"Yes," the lady replied, "I know that you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom in it."

A Man Driving Down the Highway
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign. It reads "SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 10 MILES". He pays no attention to it and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says "SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 5 MILES" and thinks it over. When he drives past a third sign saying "SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT", his curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.

On the far side of the parking lot is a sombre stone building with a small sign next to the door reading SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?" He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was
interested in possibly doing business". "Very well, my son. Please follow me."

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man, "Please knock on this door". He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup. This nun instructs, "Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway." He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind
him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:
'GO IN PEACE, YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF MERCY'.

A Man's Dog
A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of whiskey. He proposes a toast and both he and his dog empty their glasses. The girl behind the bar is surprised and asks: 'Can your dog perform other tricks?'. 'But of course', the man answers, 'he can even gratify a woman'. Anxious to know more the girl leads the man and the dog into a little room above the bar. She undresses and full of expectation she lies down on the bed. The dogs looks at her and does nothing. 'It's always the same thing with you!', the man then shouts to the dog, 'I'll show you how to do it one last time'.

Two Guys Go Golfing
There are two guys that are golfing, and both hit their balls way off into the rough. They decide to go find their balls and meet back on the fairway later.
The first guy is pretty sure that he hit his into a big patch of buttercups, so he goes over and starts beating through the flowers with his club. All of a sudden, an angel comes down from heaven and tells him that he can never have butter again for ruining one of god's beautiful creations in that manner. The guy doesn't care and goes back to tell his friend what happened. His friend says:

"You think that's bad? I hit my ball into the pussywillows."

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".
The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
The 6th kind is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. OOPS. Don't forget the 7th kind of sex - Social Security Sex. You get a little each month, but not enough to live on. 

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 Pounds!
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from f***** skippin", the Irishman said. 

Two caterpillars were sitting on a leaf when a butterfly flew past.
One caterpillar turned to the other and said, "You will never get me up in one of those things!!"

Husband and wife in bed together. She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. She: "Oh, that feels good."
His hand moves to her breast. She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."
His hand moves to her leg. She: "Oh, honey, don't stop." But he stops. She: "Why did you stop?"
He: "I found the remote." 

Easy Steps to Gooder Grammar
Don't abbrev.
Check to see if you any words out.
Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct.
About sentence fragments.
When dangling, don't use participles.
Don't use no double negatives.
Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.
Just between You and i, case is important.
Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.
Don't use commas, that aren't necessary.
Its important to use apostrophe's right.
It's better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive.
Never leave a transitive verb just lay there without an object.
Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized.
a sentence should begin with a capital and end with a period
Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase.
In letters compositions reports and things like that we use commas to keep a string of items apart.
Watch out for irregular verbs which have creeped into our language.
Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
Avoid unnecessary redundancy.
A writer mustn't shift your point of view.
Don't write a run-on sentence you've got to punctuate it.
A preposition isn't a good thing to end a sentence with.
Avoid clichés like the plague.

Regardless of where you stand on the issue of the U.S.A involvement in Iraq,
here's a sobering statistic:
There has been a monthly average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theatre of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2,112 deaths.
That gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers.
The firearm death rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000 persons for the same period.
That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. Capital than you are in Iraq.
Conclusion: The U.S.A should pull out of Washington.

A salesman was given a hotel room next to one occupied by honeymooners. The walls were thin, and the sounds of sustained sexual frenzy poured through.
Finally the salesman could stand it no longer. He pounded on the walls, yelling, "Knock it off -- there's other people trying to get some sleep!"
 From the other room came a weak, faltering male voice which said, "Yell louder, mister, she can't hear you!"
 

I think we could balance the Federal Budget if we taxed sex. Everyone would pay their share.
Young people would pay more taxes and your tax liability would decrease as you got older.
It would also promote family values. How would you like to come home to your wife and have her ask, "Honey, why is your tax bill larger than mine?" Or be a teenager and come home to your dad with your tax bill in his hand.
We wouldn't have to pay people to work for the IRS, they would be paying to work there just so they could review people's returns.
Locker room conversations would change... "Get a load of this tax bill!"
The forms would change a little also. We would now have a 1040Quickee.
And it would give a whole new meaning to the phrase..
"Substantial penalty for early withdrawal."

The teenager was developing rapidly, so her mother thought it about time that she understood the facts of life. "Liza," she began, "I think it would be nice if we had a little chat about how life is formed. As you know, a baby grows in a lady's tummy and..." "It might be interesting to hear you tell it, Mum," interrupted the daughter, "but what I really want to know is how to fake an orgasm."

David is the same as ever." gossiped his wife on the telephone. "All he ever thinks about all day long is sex... sex... sex."
"Now that's just not true at all." called out David, relaxing in his recliner.
"For the past half-hour, I've been laying here thinking about you."

Luigi: "Father, I want an annulment."
Priest: "Why, Luigi?"
Luigi: "I think I married my sister."
Priest: "No, no Luigi. I've known you and your wife all your lives, and there is no relation. What makes you think you've married your sister?"
Luigi: "Last night -- we undress for bed -- she look at me -- she say --"Oh, brother!"

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.
The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder:
Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in heaven.
St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.....for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get
married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together FOREVER?"
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informed the couple, "You CAN get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering: what if things don't work
out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?"

We went to see a movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier.
Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the centre of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me."
By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient, so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?"
"No!" she said in a loud whisper. "The 'TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE' message just flashed up on the screen and mine is in the car."

£30k funeral

Bill died, leaving a will that provided £30,000 for an elaborate funeral.


As the last of the visitors departed the affair, his wife, Lynne, turned to her oldest friend and said, "Well, I'm sure Bill would be pleased."

 

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who then lowered her voice and then leaned in close, "How much did this really cost?"

 

"All of it," said Lynne.

 

"Thirty thousand." "No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but £30,000?"

 

Lynne replied, "The funeral was £6,500. I donated £500 to the church. The  wake, food and drinks were another £500. The rest went for the Memorial  Stone."

 

Jody computed quickly. "£22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My God, how big is it? 

 

Scroll down . . . . .

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*
"Two and a half carats." Said Lynne . . . . . .

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to Heat one cup of coffee.
 
(Hardly seems worth it.)
 
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)
 
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live 9 days without it's head before it starves to death.
(Creepy) (I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
 
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while it's head is attached to it's body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the...?!")

The flea can jump 350 times it's body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) 

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
 
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig! in my next life...quality over quantity)
 
Butterflies taste w/their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, 9 years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous,
do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that, too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)

Brighten someone's day!
To visit the  'Home Page'  for Radio Control Models in a new Window, please click on this hyperlink.
If you are considering selling up and would like to sell the complete package for cash, call Mike on Godalming 01483  421425 
Mike Burton   
3 Overbrook
Godalming       Telephone No.  01483 421425
Surrey                     Mobile No.  07711 524761
GU7  1LX                 
UK

 

email      mike@radiocontrolmodels.co.uk

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