| Radio Control Models - Adult Jokes & Fun Section. | Jokes - Page 0003 |
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| Radio Control Models - Jokes Section With Adult Theme. |
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SPAGHETTI A wealthy man had been having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation
or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of
money, She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card and write, "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said. "You received a
very strange post card today." The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted. On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, and Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without. |
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She wrote the
following letter to her bank . . . .
Perhaps we
ought to do it as well when we have some displeasure?
This is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year-old woman.
The Bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published
in the NY Times. . .
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To whom it may concern, I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his depositing the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic Monthly transfer of funds from my modest savings account, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty-one years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has recently become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offence under the
Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Please allow me to level the playing field even further. When you call me, you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail system to choose from. Please press the buttons as follows: 1- To make an appointment to see me. 2- To query a missing payment. 3- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. 4- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. 5- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. 6- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. 7- To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorised Contact. 8- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. 9- To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold pending the attention of my automated answering service. Whilst this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee of $50 to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. Please credit my account after each occasion. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year. Your Humble Client, ( Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman! ) |
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his
wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing. |
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A woman came
home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out." |
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